Dulcinea and Aldonza

It is always a painful experience to have one’s illusions shattered. We live in a comfortable fog, seeing what we want to see and ignoring what we don’t. In many ways, it is what allows our society to function, allowing us to ignore some of our fellow human’s more egregious faults. Still, occasionally, one hits a perfect set of circumstances in life that prevent these illusions from continuing. When these circumstances happen with your fellow citizens, they can lead to shock, revulsion, and withdrawal.

When they happen with your spouse, the effect is devastating.

I woke up two Saturdays ago, and realized that I really didn’t know the woman asleep in bed next to me. This revelation had been building for some time, so I can’t really say it was all that sudden, but the impact hit me like a punch in the gut.

I reacted with hurt and anger, directed both inwardly and outwardly. I questioned my choice of a mate. I questioned her motivations. I questioned my own sanity.

Now that I have had a chance to truly calm down, (writing this blog has helped a lot,) I’ve come to a shocking realization. What I was truly angry about was my own capacity to deceive myself. Mags hadn’t really been anyone other than who she is. True, some of her more outrageous personality traits had been coming out, but they had always been there, and I had just chosen to ignore them.

In the story of Don Quixote, the good Don comes across a tavern wench named Aldonza. He instantly sees her as the embodiment of courtly love, and dubs here Dulcinea. Aldonza, ever the practical girl, wants nothing to do with this crazy old coot who is suddenly speaking to her of the finer things in life. In the musical version, The Man of Lamancha, she actually delivers one of the most powerful songs damning him for making her look beyond her station, and causing her to dream dreams of what could be.

Is the greater love to ignore the loved one’s faults, or to recognize them and love anyway? At the same time, isn’t a great part of love seeing the other person’s capabilities and rejoicing in what they could be? Part of what I love in Mags is the me that I see reflected in her eyes. I strive to be the man that she sees me as.