Emotional Intelligence

Nibs lent me Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman with the admonition that it was important that I read it. I have spent the past week slogging through it between trying to get the rest of the daily detritus of life out of the way. (I appreciate that Mags, never the best housekeeper in the world, has had no time to help out between school and work. Still, being a househusband SUCKS!) I have been enjoying the book, although I must admit to being rather puzzled as to why it was so important that I read it. Given the subject matter Goleman was discussing, I must admit to being slightly insulted. I’m not really that dense as to what is going on around me.

Also, I’m not sure I really agree with some of the basic assumptions behind the book. Goleman seems to be a firm believer in the theory of multiple intelligences; the idea the traditional IQ is not the only form of intelligence. I object to this theory mostly on the grounds that the original perpetrator of it makes the argument that things like coordination and aesthetic taste should also be viewed as forms of intelligence. Perhaps it’s the terminology that has got my hackles up. As one of those people with a high IQ, I find it objectionable that someone has attempted to define what, IMHO, amounts to nothing more that skill sets as a coequal form of intelligence. “We’re just intelligent in a different way!” And when everybody is exceptional, nobody is.

That being said, I’m happily reading along, attempting to evaluate the arguments presented and ignore my personal bias, puzzled as to why it was so important for me to read this book.

Then I got to chapter 9, Intimate Enemies.

This is the chapter that deals with Emotional Intelligence in a marital setting. As I was reading, I got a cold feeling, as if someone had punched me in the pit of the stomach. What he was describing was exactly what I have been going through with Mags. What advice he was giving dovetailed nicely with what we have been working on in Dr Phil’s Relationship Rescue. (Yes, friends, I have been reduced that low. Still, given that I was allowed to make the choice as to which program to follow, his seems to be the most free of touchy-feely b***s***.) I’m not really sure what we can do with this new knowledge, but, as I’m fond of saying, it’s all data; I just need to figure out how to process it.

Hopefully, the meeting with the marriage councilor Tuesday evening will give us more practical exercises to work on. Having decided that, even though I am hurt, I still love Mags and want to try to repair things, I now want to do everything in my power to make sure that this marriage gets ever chance it can possibly have. Still, telling Mags that I had a boundary that had been crossed, and unless things changed I couldn’t stay married to her felt liberating.

On an entirely different note, I’ve been having a hankering for a game of chess all weekend. I’m trying to teach Mags to play, but it’s just not the same. I really hope that my usual opponent gets back into town soon and we can arrange a time to play that fits both of our schedules.