An Uncomfortable Dinner Party

Yesterday, Mags and I went over to some friends of ours for dinner. Mags works with Donal, and Frosty is her best friend, but I have only a passing acquaintance with them. Donal and I are kinda in the guy dance stage of an emerging friendship. We really aren’t too sure of each other yet, but think the other one might be okay. Still, it’s an awkward stage.

Add into the mix the fact that Donal and Frosty are staying with a couple of their friends, Larry and Jolene, until they get their trailer set up (which is supposed to happen this week.) I have met Larry and Jolene, but that’s about it. To top everything off, it was a fiber thing, with the girls getting together to talk about spinning. That left us guys sitting around watching “Death, Doom, and Destruction” night on National Geographic. I made several attempts to get a conversation going, but they all quickly lapsed into silence. I’m sorry, when you’ve actually seen what a bullet can do to the human body, a show on the ballistics and evolution of the bullet, while fascinating, is a little off-putting.

Still, although uncomfortable, the food was good and I managed to get through the evening unscathed. Mags seemed to have fun talking about wool and spinning with the girls. So, all in all it was a good night.

Other than that, it was a great weekend; I spent most of the time puttering around the house, getting various little chores done. I managed to knock three things off the honeydo list, so I count the weekend as a success. I also discovered that Mags likes Salsa music. She really likes Salsa music. That makes “Supernatural” by Santana one of the best musical purchases I’ve made in a long time.

Mags seems to be coming over to my way of thinking on how much I love Nib’s boys. When we were out shopping for some supplies on Saturday, she was the one to suggest that something would be perfect for the boys. I know there’s still a little bit of jealousy there, I just hope that she will come to realize that while our marriage is still in a rocky place, if I do end up leaving her, it will have nothing to do with Nibs or her children. I won’t be running to anybody else, I’ll be running away.

Actually, that thought of being alone again is what scares me the most. There’s a large part of me that just wants to shut up, hunker down, and accept whatever is dished out to me. Given that the alternative is loneliness, I’m willing to put up with almost anything to avoid that. Almost anything. As conceited as it sounds, I’ve come to realize just how much I am really worth as a person, and to expect that those in my life to acknowledge that worth. Things seem to be progressing along those lines.

Working in the garage on Sunday, a snippet of a song by John Denver (I know, I know) came to mind. In it he sings about “..the joy of rediscovering you..” I feel as if I’m there with Mags. I’ve lost track of who she is, and I’m having to meet her all over again. Not everything there is pleasant, but on the whole, she seems to be a pretty great person herself. (Which reminds me, I’ve got to set up the boom box in the shop so I don’t drive Mags crazy listening to things like John Denver.)