Sex, Damned Lies and DVD's

Mags and I took a break from our own personal war of the roses to watch a movie last night. I can highly recommend "Suicide Kings." Cristopher Walken is at his creepy, sociopathic best playing the kidnapped mob boss.

Walken delivers one particularly memorable line: something to the effect of, "You live in a nice, safe gated community. I live out in the real world. In the real world everybody lies." Unfortunately, that line struck home. That's where I'm living today.

Mags and I did manage to talk over dinner. We started with the news of the day, moved on to a spirited discussion of Nibs' essay "In the Fifties....", and finally moved on to what has been hanging over our heads for the past month. Surprisingly, we actually managed to talk about what we were feeling without sitting around hurting at each other. I was trying to identify with her, and saying as much. Now that I've had time to sit and think about it, I've realized that the empathy was very much one-sided.

"I love my wife." I've said it over and over again like I'm repeating a mantra. Why am I having to work so hard to remind myself? Have I really fallen out of love with her, or is this just the hurt talking? Either way, what is my next course of action. Her cutting remarks have made it painfully clear that whatever way I decide, I'll have to start to take steps to protect myself. Financially, she's got me over a barrel, and if I do decide to leave her, I'll have to do some prep work to make sure she doesn't end up kicking me to the curb.

Even if I have fallen out of love with her, is there really anything better out there? Then there's the entire question of my vow. I didn't promise to stay with her conditional to her behavior, I just promised to stay. In my mind there are very few reasons to dissolve a marriage, I don't love you anymore isn't one of them. (It's right up there with, "I want to sleep with someone else.")

Harry Chapin is playing in the soundtrack in my head. If nothing else, I know that Corey's Commin'.

For today, that's my story and I'm sticking with it.