Some Daydreams are Nightmares

There comes a time when despair creeps in despite your best efforts to keep it out. Like the lover who you have thrown out many times, and yet keeps turning up back at your doorstep, asking you to take her back. Time and again you do, no matter what the past experience was, each time promising yourself that this will be the last; yet knowing that you are lying to yourself and the cycle will repeat. Djam Karet, the hour that stretches. You are caught in an endless repetition of the same actions, constantly looking for the key to pass beyond the lesson, and having it forever elude you.

The past month has shown me that the coming year will be one of change. Fear has crept in with the despair; fear that the future is uncertain, the only truth will be that life will not be anything like what you now know. Like the acrobat, having lined yourself up the best you can, you let go of the bar and feel yourself flying through space. Hope and faith tell you that your partner on the other bar will be there to catch you, but the fear remains that the other will miss the catch, or (worse yet) not even realize that you are unsupported. You pray that the catch will be there at the end, but there is no knowing. You are in the realm of faith, and it is not a comfortable place to be.

With the hope of the acrobat, I have launched myself into this year. I do not know what will happen, but I do no that I fear. I do not know what this year will bring, but I do know the journey through it will be difficult.

I hope I shall arrive soon.